THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
My vagina is officially offended.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
