Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
