He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
