Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
God, I missed his penis.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
