Well douche your snatch and let's go!
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Randomize
