carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
my liver is dry heaving
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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