spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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