It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize