I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
