I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
