I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
