Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
