Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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