Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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