I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize