I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
