There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Randomize
