I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
