i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
