you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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