I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
