it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
she told me i tasted like america
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Randomize
