seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Found your dick twin last night
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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