so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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