it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
