period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
