I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize