are you still at the devil's house?
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
