all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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