i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize