I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
