I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
