I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
