literally had 100 drinks last night.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
