im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
a search helicopter?!
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
