I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
