i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
