you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
