I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
i came on her dog
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize
