what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize