I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
