I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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