My nipple is on Facebook.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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