I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Vodka?
Forever.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Randomize
