Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
