Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
This is my gift to your gina
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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