He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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