remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize