Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Randomize
