OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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