everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize