the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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