Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
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