How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
