I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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