She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
