if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
