Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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