So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
