Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
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