I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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