who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
