She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
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