Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Randomize
