There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
